the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
