I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
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