I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
sex in a hospital.. check
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize