can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
