I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
