what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
