was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
