I want to stick my p in your. b.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
