I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
