have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
