we're blogging at a bar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
