Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
