He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
