I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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