Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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