she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize