So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
