Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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