she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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