I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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