i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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