i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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