she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
