he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
