I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
