I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she pinky promised me she was 18
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
