the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize