I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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