I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
