i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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