She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
