I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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