STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
