i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
