Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
