Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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