mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
