Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
