i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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