If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Girls should come with a carfax report
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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