This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
