I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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