Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
