I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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