Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
whose parrot is this?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
