so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
