someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
