I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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