just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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