I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
