if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
