He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
