If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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