Will you blow on my dice?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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