Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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