Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
