i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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