So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize