I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
