No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
