Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize