I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
