Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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