you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
