I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
