OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
