So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
