We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
