Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
