508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
