what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
