NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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