Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
