i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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