so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
