I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His nipple licking is glorious
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