Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
