Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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