Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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