I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
