i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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