I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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