Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
