strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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