I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize